Not the most comfortable of emotions, now is it?
At least it hasn't been for me. Growing up, I remember never really getting mad. I'm sure as a little one I had tantrums and I do remember getting spanked once. But for the most part, anger hasn't been in my repertoire of highly utilized feelings. When I was 16, I remember telling my best friend that "I don't get mad, I just cry." That raised a flag for me that I am now beginning to unpack, a couple of decades later.
I think throughout the pursuit of healing, there comes a time in your life when you notice a dramatic shift in your inner workings. Instead of focusing on pleasing those around you or performing for parents/spouses/teachers/society, you honestly have to focus on you.
In order to stay on the planet, healing yourself must become your top priority.
An essential step of the healing process is fully grasping the fact that you are completely worth every ounce of energy, time, money and compassionate prayer that you need.
For as long and as many times as necessary.
A few freeing mantras to try:
I AM IMPORTANT
MY FEELINGS ARE VALID
I DESERVE TO HEAL
I AM DONE LEARNING ABOUT THIS
Once you have embraced how much your life matters, your voice becomes a lot stronger and a lot less concerned about making everyone else comfortable. In a good way.
In the very best way.
The flow of energy can move freely throughout your system.
The whole spectrum of feelings can present themselves, be experienced and move on out.
Recently I noticed this with anger.
Over the past couple of years, I have been to a plethora of appointments. There is one office with a front desk employee who isn't particularly happy to help me. I always have to wait while paperwork and phone calls are handled as I stand there. (I am a patient person, but this has been over-the-top.) Other clients with appointment times after mine take precedence over me. And last month this employee interrupted my actual appointment to scold the doctor on something that was incorrectly done on the computer. Definitely inappropriate and definitely could have waited until the doc was free.
I felt invisible. AND PISSED.
The list continues but the point is that with every interaction my patience has been challenged and I have been growing angry. The forced smile and falsified friendliness is manipulative. The energy about them is one of inconvenience and superiority. While this most likely has nothing to do with me personally, it is definitely annoying and unprofessional. I have left my last few visits feeling really mad and thinking about finding a different doctor. (If you live in the boonies like me, you probably understand the challenges that come with winter roads and well versed practitioners.)
While confrontation isn't my specialty, today I realized I am being presented with an excellent opportunity to practice standing up for myself. Realizing this, I began to laugh and felt gratitude for this person's help in teaching me an important lesson.
I count. My business matters. Treat me respectfully. Be professional. Easy, right?
When the ground that you stand on finally feels solid, meaning you honor and love yourself enough to speak up when you are mistreated, things really begin to shift! And you can explore previously blocked emotions without getting stuck. There is freedom in this.
Dig into your emotions. Is there one or two or more that are redlined? In a no-go zone?
Get curious. Why are these feelings off limits? What happens if you feel them? What does not feeling them do for you?
Life is so interesting.
And P.S. I spoke up!
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