Forgetful

(This blog might be stressful to read. My intention is to share my experiences and hopefully help someone who might be feeling the same way. Please don't read it if you are triggered by near death experiences, mold poisoning or major life upheaval. Please do read it if you would like to. Love to you on your journey.)

I have been experiencing forgetfulness since mid-May. What's important about the date is that it was the week of my second surgery, my near death experience and the crescendo to a very intense series of events spanning over the previous 18 months.

Here are the symptoms I am noticing:

• Trouble recalling conversations

• Inability to multi-task

• Easily over-stimulated when one or more people are around (small talk is impossible)

• Forgetting what I was doing (ie "who left the fridge open?" oh yeah, that was me.)

My body's first response to becoming aware that I am more forgetful these days is my usual knee jerk reaction of ANXIETY. Ok, ok, sweet body. You can feel anxious but let's move through that. Let's look at the bigger picture here so you can fully understand why you are forgetting things.

CHRONIC ILLNESS

I believe when your body has been poisoned and is working overtime to stay alive (breathe), that is reason enough to experience overwhelm and forgetfulness. When you need to pay attention to where you are, what you are exposed to, what medications you have in your reach, all while experiencing low oxygen levels, this seems like a prime setting for overwhelm.

IDENTITY CRISIS

Once healthy, vibrant and buoyant, becoming sick really threw me for a loop. My active mountain-biking-hiking-yoga self was curled up in bed, breathless from going up the stairs. Dizzy from brain inflammation and medication side-effects. Hello, identity reset.

COLLECTIVE STRESS

Pandemic, anyone? How are you doing through the mixed messaging, lack of full disclosure, restrictions, closures, confusion and fear? For an empath especially, this alone is enough to overflow one's senses. The collective anxiety is at an all-time high.

PERSONAL LOSS

Exposure to toxic mold at work created an overreaction to any mold anywhere. Small amounts triggered a healing crisis. I became sick in my new house and in most buildings. We moved three times in a few months. I lost all of my belongings.

OK, maybe not all of them, but here's what I had to let go of in order to regain my health:

My job. My children's beloved school. Our small town country community. My new house. All of our furniture, rugs, books, photo albums, clothes, food, toiletries, decorations, paintings, appliances. And it was expensive.

Our dog. The stress and chaos was too much for our family to keep our dog. The potential for extra allergens in our living space lead us to seek a new home for her and she went to live with my sister-in-law's family in Wyoming. Now that the dust is settling, the hole in our hearts is big. We miss her.

I did keep my jewelry and some items in a storage unit that I still cannot enter without triggering a mold reaction. And I kept my beautiful houseplants after a thorough cleaning, new soil and new pots.

Holy guacamole.

PHYSICAL TRAUMA

Let's add in two surgeries: one botched attempt to clear out the inflamed tissues in my sinuses that set me up for fatal nosebleeds and one emergency surgery a month later to fix it.

Three unstoppable nosebleeds in front of my family, leaving us panicked by the amount of blood loss and from witnessing my close encounter with death. My kids will need therapy.

Two near death experiences in one week.

(As for how I am feeling now, it has been 3 months since the second surgery and I am very grateful to say I am confident in my healing. Yoga, walks, picking things up, bending over, all feel fine now.)

EXPANSION of CONSCIOUSNESS

The most beautiful part of this journey has been the soul expansion. The inner growth and acceleration of understanding. I talk to the angelic beings now and see them on a daily basis. (They are right here with us, at all times.) I receive messages from the mountains, from the rivers, from the earth. And I don't second guess what is happening anymore with this type of communication. It just happens and I usually share the messages on my social media, along with beautiful photos I have taken. But there is more to perceive in any given moment and I am adjusting to the new level of input I experience just by being alive. It's loud sometimes. Have you experienced this, too?

I am less afraid of dying and more compelled to be my authentic self. To see if by being me and sharing what I am learning, that perhaps I can help support you on your journey. To help others feel understood and supported and less afraid. This is my mission.

With the rapid expansion in awareness, the right side of my brain has grown quickly. In our left-brain society where schools teach math and facts and focus less on the right-side realm of emotions, expression, empathy, the two sides of my brain are doing a dance of reintroduction. They will meet up again in perfect alignment. But as for right now, it helps to know that this is what's happening.

Thank you for reading. It is helpful for me to write out what has happened. It gives me a better perspective and also enlivens my heart to think perhaps I could help someone else feel more understood.

Love to you and to the world.

#wildpeacewellness #chronicillness #awakening #healingjourney #mold #toxicmold #healnaturally #anxiety #soul #CIRS #expansion #empath