For the first time in a long time, perhaps ever, I feel like I am living in the current. Life is carrying me along without me having to try so incredibly hard. I am experiencing the flow rather than trying to control it. It's pulling rather than me pushing. Surrendering to the pull and unclasping my grip on fear (as much as I can so far) has changed my life dramatically. This year has been a birthing process for sure. For you, too?
Today we started moving onto our new land. My family went out before me to start on a few things. When I arrived, I could not. stop. smiling. My teeth felt naked with my lips up so high grinning ridiculously big. So big I could feel the air on my gums. (It's been a rough year, apparently without many spontaneous grins). It felt invigorating to feel my face smiling like that.
Here's what I noticed while on the property:
My husband was sparkling while he talked about the big plans for the place. The barn wood for the bedroom walls. The possibilities of window reading nooks, hidden forts for the kids and placement of a future hot tub outside under the stars. I had to really focus on his what he was saying. He was so radiant! Full of life and ideas and the ability to make it all happen.
My children completely forgot about their screens. 4-wheeler rides in the yard, snowdrifts to chop up and creating magical phone tubes to talk through from upstairs to their fort downstairs were naturally more exhilarating. There wasn't a fight to drop the devices.
I felt alive. Dreams starting introducing themselves to me. I could envision a barn over there with two small goats and a couple of beautiful horses with long manes. A stargazer to sleep in with fluffy sleeping bags and mugs of tea. Plants here in the window stretching up to the sky. My rainbow sun catcher over there. A garden shed outlined with sunflowers. A row of pine trees along the driveway. I could almost taste the ginger snap s'mores at the new campfire ring.
It feels as though the memories are already in the process of coming to life. Bubbling up spontaneously. For so many years I have tried to shape the memories for our family. Planning trips, dancing in the kitchen, family puzzle nights, a move to Montana for a new adventure. And while we are actively working towards this next chapter with the tiny apartment, wide open spaces and self-employment, it is unfolding with the grace and ease that I am coming to understand naturally accompany life when you honor your intuition, arise to the challenges, and begin to ask for divine guidance.
My husband and I have had different experiences this past year, but a commonality we hold is this: we accepted the challenge of self- growth. It hasn't necessarily been easy or very pretty and I honestly haven't liked it very much. But we are learning to release our old mindsets and examine the outdated programs. Learning to trust ourselves, God, and the feeling of being in the flow.
It is a beautiful thing to feel held, supported and in the flow of life.
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