Her sweet 11-year-old self knocked gently on my door. We had already said goodnight but oftentimes it takes more than one round of hugs and kisses to get this kiddo down for the evening.
"Come on in," I said and she opened the door. Her eyes were wide and full of tears.
"It's almost been two years since that night, Mom." She said.
"You know, when you couldn't stop bleeding?"
"I know," I said softly.
"Can you imagine what that was like for me?" She sobbed.
"My mom almost left me right in front of my eyes."
She cried some more and I hugged her close.
After a minute she backed up a little to look at me.
Her face began to beam as the tears streamed down her cheeks.
"You've come so far since that night, sweet Mama," She said.
"I am so glad to see you as you are now.
You grew up," Her eyes smiled.
Goodness me. I was astounded. I hugged her again and thanked her for her words. Feeling unexpectedly fully seen I almost floated off the ground as I tucked her back into bed. Her profound words of recognition replayed in my mind as I climbed into my own bed. This morning I am still thinking about what she had said and it made me consider just how much our inner work, commitment to growth and attitude when faced with challenge can affect those around us.
I hadn't realized how closely my daughter had been observing my transformation over the years. Knee deep in the thick of the proverbial weeds, most days in the beginning I had been completely consumed by my own agony of what felt like the never-ending healing process. As much as possible I tried to be a present mother. But for awhile there, I didn't have very much energy to give and we all relied heavily upon my husband's big heart and buoyant light to keep us afloat.
As time went on the joy trickled back into my life and the doors opened back up. I grew strong in my ability to trust the process and trust my body. With enthusiasm and newfound spunk, I shared much of what I was learning with my family. A few steps forward, a few steps back. But over time, everything began to get better. Feel brighter. And my kids were watching the whole time.
I should mention that my entire family has sought counseling throughout this whole ordeal. I am grateful for the professional support as well as the opportunity for my kids to experience the benefits of therapy thus normalizing seeking mental health support. Excellent lifelong skills indeed.
While losing one's health can feel like the worst thing of all time, the process of regaining it can be the absolute best. I am especially honored to serve as an example for my children to see what it took for me to heal myself and the beauty of what is possible on the other side of enormous challenge. There is n0 need to fear the future when you begin to see just how remarkable the process of healing truly can be. It is incredibly empowering to live through something that scared you to death and watch as you come out the other side, shining.
The gifts of chronic illness continue to be revealed.
It feels like a new life.
I am grateful everyday.
#higherself #beyou #transformationthroughsuffering #itgetsbetter #soulplan #trusttheprocess #love #nde #sagewisdom #childrenarebrilliant #shineon #yourperspectiveisimportant
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